Women & Men & Relationships

Perhaps the most consistent finding concerning the state of marriage/relationships is its association with greater positive well-being and reduced negative outcomes for both men and women. The effects associated with marriage/relationships and positive well-being are happiness, life satisfaction, and the occurrence of positive as well as negative emotions (Bradburn, 1969; Gove, 1972)

Women’s greater involvement in marriage/relationships is apparent from findings that happiness with marriage/relationships is a more important predictor of global happiness for women than for men (Glenn, 1975; Glenn & Weaver, 1981; Gove et al., 1983).

Women’s top four rankings concerned aspects of… Continue reading →

Resolving Attachment Injuries in Couples

As humans we want to be close in relationships and be attached to someone we love. As so often happens, we get our most hurtful experiences from people who serve as our main attachment figure.

Our attachment patterns get disrupted when attachment injuries occur and the emotional discomfort causes us feelings of insecurity and the erosion of trust. In couples suffering from an attachment injury, trust is violated by their attachment figure and this indicates to the injured partner that the other can no longer be counted on for caring and support when needed (Johnson,… Continue reading →

The Four Horsemen

World-renowned researcher on marriage and relationships, Dr. John Gottman, discussed the four negative patterns that often sound familiar to fighting couples. According to him, these four elements predict divorce, and he called it “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

1.  Criticism: Gottman says criticism is “really a way of fueling the attack, so you state your complaint as an attack on the other person.” He noted, “It’s not constructive, it winds up leading to an escalation of the conflict.”

2.  Contempt: “Not only is contempt the best predictor of divorce, because it’s really… Continue reading →

How to Keep Love Going Strong

Why is marriage so tough at times? Why do some lifelong relationships click, while others just tick away like a time bomb? And how can you prevent a marriage from going bad—or rescue one that already has?

After years of research, we can answer these questions. In fact, we are now able to predict whether a couple will stay happily together after listening for as little as three hours to a conflict conversation and other interactions in our Love Lab. Our accuracy rate averages 91 percent. Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the… Continue reading →

Taking Stock of your Marriage

Of course, there’s more to a lasting marriage than disagreements. To foster stable marriages, couples need to continually celebrate those areas where they can come together, and not let their inherent differences pull them down. To be sure, any marriage is made up of two individuals with differing needs, tastes, and interests. And you may wish at times that your partner was different— more outgoing or less social, more intellectually minded or less bookish, more this or less that. But you get into trouble when you try to re-create one another to fit your own… Continue reading →

Underachievers (Part 1)

DEFINITION of UNDERACHIEVEMENT

Research estimates that fifty percent of high ability students do not “achieve well”. Most educators categorize gifted underachievement as a discrepancy between potential (predicted achievement) and actual achievement and/or as a failure to develop or use potential.

The typical difference between a low achiever and a gifted underachiever is the gifted student’s ability to score high on standardized achievement tests. Therefore, gifted underachievement relates more to everyday classroom performance. Underachievement can vary among situations and subjects. Students who achieve in one context may not perform as well in another. Parents and teachers must intervene… Continue reading →

Probleem-ouer, probleem-kind of probleem-onderwyser?

Die sogenaamde “nuwe” benaderings in die huidige onderwyssituasie laat ouers dikwels in moedeloosheid vra: “Wanneer hou ‘n ouer dan ooit op skoolgaan?” Die antwoord is eenvoudig:”Beslis nie terwyl jou kinders nog skoolgaan nie!”

Die konstante veranderinge in die benadering tot leerstof binne die onderwysstelsel, laat ouers en onderwysers dikwels “buite beheer” voel.   Die maklikste uitweg is om die kind aan sy eie heil oor te laat.

Hoe om kinders groot te maak het nie ‘n perfekte resep nie, maar dit bly hoofsaaklik ouers se verantwoordelikheid. Daarom bly die ouer die kind se “life-coach” dwarsdeur… Continue reading →