Want to See a Marriage Therapist? Here Are 5 Tips to Get Your Spouse to Join You.
All relationships have their own, unique challenges. It is up to the individuals in a relationship to decide how they navigate these. But, even if both parties are committed to putting in effort, what do you do if your partner and you have different ideas of dealing with your challenges? A marriage therapist can be an integral part of cultivating a healthy, balanced relationship, but is your partner ready to open up to a third party?
Every individual and every relationship is different. Here are a number of things you should consider when introducing the idea of seeing a marriage therapist together:
- Assure them of your love
It’s very easy for one partner to fear that the other partner does not love them anymore, and this is why they want to go see a marriage therapist. This is a common misperception about relationship counselling – that it only happens when a couple wants to get a divorce.
- Let go of the stigma
Too often, counselling is seen as something that you do when you think something is seriously wrong. The truth is that relationship counselling is a very effective preventative measure – something couples do to help them navigate life’s challenges more effectively together.
- Steer clear of pointing fingers
It’s not about who is at fault, it’s about learning to tackle challenges together. Don’t antagonise your partner by making them feel it’s all their fault, or guilt them into seeing a marriage therapist. Try to approach this as an opportunity for you to see eye to eye.
- Listen to their response
There are many reasons why people may be hesitant to seek therapy. If your partner responds negatively to the idea of seeing a marriage therapist, don’t interrupt them. Be curious and let them share their concerns. There may be practical solutions, or they may simply need time to process the idea.
- Don’t react defensively if they become defensive
It is completely normal for someone to react defensively when the idea of counselling is first brought up, especially if the circumstances are already tense. Reacting in a defensive manner won’t help to convince them. In fact, it is most likely to derail the conversation and distract from the real topic that you wish to consider.
Dr Tienie Maritz is an expert marriage therapist with a practice in Pretoria. If you are considering relationship counselling, feel free to contact his office for more information and to enquire about his availability.
